Slice of Pon

#1: Speaking is just, difficult.

I had some thoughts recently, i just wanted to write about this because i needed to.

There are many, MANY situations where i just can't get to express myself how i want to.
Speaking verbally is difficult for me, sometimes i just keep stuttering or saying things in not a very coherent way, losing the opportunity to talk adequately.

I feel myself as an introvert person, but i have this feeling that i am capable of talking with many people, that i could have as many good relationships as i want to, just if i try to. But that's like one of the main problem. Getting out of that hell of "that comfort zone", where i don't talk to almost no one, keeping like everyhting private and saving my feelings and emotions, keeping them private.

I think this is the only way i can really express. I think this is one of that battles with the mind or smth like that. Also i'm trying to work on myself. (This is kinda of an improvement for me also.)

I just wish i can improve that part of myself, embrace the fear of hearing a bad response or resulting in an unexpected way. If someone is really seeing this, i just ask you to recommend me something, because this is kinda of an issue(for me).

#2: Do they hate me?

I kinda feel that the people I know and usually talk to are being less "friends" than they used to.

Recently I think that they are starting to hate a part of me, because even though I talk to them, doing calls or playing games with them, they just don't like to stay with me, even talking with them on a call.

I already talked to them about it, but it seems it's repeating.

It hurts, y'know? Forgiving and repeat what they've done.

#3: I think my life is being controlled by stereotypes

I'm starting to think that what could happen if i didn't knew about stereotypes, about acceeptance and situations that happen mostly all the time.

I really could be the best version of me, only if i stopped caring about all of the stereotypes i know and have seen through all these 18 years. It kinda feels that many of the things i want can really be obtained just by doing it, no matter what happens. This "micro-situations" that i can't stop thinking about before doing an action is stopping me so much. 

Still one of the things i have to work on it.