letters pt.2

dear, father.

will I ever be enough for you?

will you be proud of me one day?

or am I just a failure

am I supposed to just respect you?

when all you do is break me and my dreams?

what is respect anyways?

should it be earned? 

or is it only a privilege you are born with?

should I only be a puppet to your game?

or should I break it to pieces?

"why am YOU like this?" you always ask

"what have I ever done to you?" you say with deception eyes

I only dare to look at you with angry eyes, 

the eyes of someone who is waiting to break free 

like a wild animal that will attack when it's released

and my eyes don't lie

they hate you and fear you

you don't deserve my respect

and you will never have it

I know you love me

but it's not the way of showing it

I will not follow your old and rusty values

i pretend to tear them apart piece by piece

until all is left are crumbs of the past

from memories which I pretend to erase

I know I owe you my life

it's a dept I might never be able to pay

and I am indeed not eager to be in eternal dept

so, I will die one day

it might be soon or later

but I'll give you the satisfaction to believe i was even trying to pay back

because I wasn't 

I know you wish to make me feel guilty

but guilty of what?

of course 

guilty of all the sacrifices you've made 

because they were all for me 

I'm your pain

I'm your rock on the shoe

I'm many things

except the daughter you're proud of

with love, 

Aster <3