Doing the things that are hard

I am sitting in a Starbucks across the street from an Air Force recruiting office. I write this as I am supposed to be studying for my PiCat. I have found myself challenged with doubts about what I want out of my life. Decisions that I feel I should make, but have found myself too weak and cowardly to act on. I need to listen to the Holy Spirit and do what is right. But, this is something easier said than done.

 I find myself reading these Bible accounts and thinking: 

"Silly Jonah, why won't you listen to God?"

As I ignore what God is telling me. I find myself ashamed in this because I pray to be close to God and I pray for answers, and He gives them to me, and I look away! I look away because He is telling me to do something I do not want to do. Doing the things that are hard and uncomfortable are what can lead you toward something new and something better than what you have now. No great thing comes in life without a great cost being paid. Whether by you or by someone else.

I look at people in my life, relationships in my life, and I am horrified at the thought of ending up like them. I find myself talking about how I want to be better than my parents, and ending up in similar toxic situations. I see other people in my life talk about wanting to be better than what they had growing up, and unbeknownst to them, they are doing the same thing! I pray to be better. I pray to be stronger. I pray to have the courage to act on what the Lord commands me to do. I pray to be an obedient follower of Christ. I wish to be someone who can lead others. A rock, if you will. I have let many people down. I have pushed many away. I have said things I wish I didn't. And, I have let my opinions get in the way of the most important thing: loving my fellow man. I hope to develop the social skills to be better for my fellow man. 

Anyway, thank you for reading this. If you would pray for me, that would be appreciated.

God bless you.