I hate you. I'm sorry that I do, but I hate you.

There's a guy in my former friend group named Miles. (Semi important, Miles is trans but very often goes by his dead name and she/her pronouns and looks very fem but I will be referring to him as Miles just as a bit of context ig)

Anyways Miles is the new best friend of my old best friend, who cast me aside when there was a better option.

Miles is a genuinely very sweet and wonderful person, and I feel horrible about how much I despise him. I wanna make it clear that it is anyone but his fault I feel this way. I really wish we could be friends, actually. It's too late for that though.

Miles is a lot like me, but better in every conceivable way. Better looking, better personality, better at everything I like. 

He likes the music I like, but better. He wears the clothes I like, but better. We look very similar, but he's the name brand and I'm the Great Value version.

I feel replaced by him. Seeing him makes me want to cry. There's nothing I can do about it.

All of them hate me. I know they do. I was fucking insane in 9th grade and I made them all hate me and I can't fix it no matter how much I apologize. 

I wish I didn't hate him. I don't want to. But seeing him live everything I ever wanted and that makes me think of everything I did wrong and that makes me hate myself. 

I hate him because I hate myself.