thots on high school except i dont realize it till the end

THE ONE TIME i want to find a poem i liked recently i just can't find it anymore. grr. ok fine here's one of mine then.

i was actually just in the process of typing it out when i decided that that's not the mark i wanna leave on the world. it's really dark and depressing and hopeless and about rotten fruit. that's not who i am tho. that's what im fighting against.

every day i have to wake up and decide what sort of day it's going to be.

i'm a wallower. i stew quietly in my emotions and decide that everything sucks. everything is hopeless. how can i make it 1 more year, let alone 50+?

no. this world is beautiful. i cannot focus my attention on the rotting fruit. i WILL not. i choose to go out into a society that is festering just as badly and i choose to be happy. i choose to have hope.

i refuse to let the constant stream of negativity and self-hate and other-people-hate define who i am. i am more than that.

i am mashing avocadoes for guacamole and eating a mango right out of the skin (sticky!) and i am pine trees and golden hour and i am cats napping in the warmth of the sun and i am the warbling melody of a bird in the heady afternoon. i am fun music and bright smiles and i am quiet evenings and making soup.

and i am going to get hurt. but i am going to stand back up again, and learn from it while still wheezing and bloody, and i'll probably do that 2,000,000 more times until it actually gets through my thick head but i will not let that define me.

i choose to have hope. i will not let my surroundings define me.