Im sitting on the floor while writing this

Few of my personal friends know anything about me, or anything genuine at least. For the past few weeks ive felt diconnected and old, like sandpaper that’s been overused.

I tried to open up again today, it wasnt fun. I always shut down. I like to think that im smart ish for my age but the things i do prove me wrong. Like being dry with my boyfriend. Im lucky i still have him, i dont treat him good (he insists that i do, im watching his notifications disappear)

This feels like a vent and its not supposed to be. I have lots of thoughts in my head. I cleaned my entire room today, it was okay. I swept under my carpet and made my bed and stuff. I listened to Hamilton while doing it.

My boyfriend doesnt like Hamilton, he wont tell me why. But he gets quiet when we listen to it and he never tells me why he does that with certain songs. Its like he hates the stuff i like. CSH, Hamilton, Mitski, Philosophy or Debating, anything of that sort he just blocks out and it sucks, i dont have anyone to ponder deep thoughts with or just argue (ethically) with. Im sure this will never change but here’s hoping,,

I have this cool coach at my school named TK. The students dont like him or respect him. It makes me kind of sad because he’s one of those ‘no bs’ guys and i really like that. People look at me strange when i talk about him, because i romanticize everything. Im sure it makes everyone uncomfortable.

I found out that my boyfriend found some stuff i sent to him a while back uncomfortable (he must have been good at acting like he was bashful). I never thought as a kid, and now it feels like I think too much. I dont know if that makes sense, but its like im hyperaware of everything and everyone. I know people by their footsteps, i can tell when someone is lying by the tone in their voice, or when they’re hesitant to say or do something and they show it without knowing. I think i got that from my dad. I got a lot of things from him.

Good thing about today?

Started working on a robotics project 

Bad thing about today?

No one shares my passion, its like cold fire