Blog Intro

hello, im oliver, or v for short. i am 20 years old, bodily. im an artist, a dog, and the host of a system. i use he/it and neopronouns. our system is collectively transmasc, but i dont always like defining myself as trans, despite me being a trans man. im just a guy, yknow? just one of the dudes. you may quickly notice that i love talking, and talking about myself.

ive got adhd, bpd, hpd, dpd, and schizophrenia, all of which, of course, affect the system. my biggest psychotic symptom is that of clinical lycanthropy and cynanthropy, which you might see reflected often on this blog. for more info on that, go further down. i have been formally diagnosed with everything listed except for the schizophrenia, which i think could possibly be schizoaffective disorder. i say schizophrenia, since its what my dad had, and i hit all the diagnostic criteria. i also highly suspect i may be autistic. as you may be able to tell, im pro-"well-researched self-diagnosis".

as for the system, we use he/it collectively, unless otherwise stated and we call ourselves a handful of titles, the latest of which being the Shimmerstar Hiive. we use i/me and we/us interchangeably with a preference for i/me. were a traumagenic system, but i still prefer the term traumaendo, as i am endogenic friendly, and not every headmate was necessarily created from trauma, even if thats why/how the system came to be. i have a simplyplural account, let me know if youd want to add me.

in my links, you will find my carrd (https://stardustslinger.carrd.co/), which is WIP. it currently has basic info and a BYI (before you interact) so you can decide whether or not youd like to interact with me yourself. it acts as a link hub, and holds links to all of the other sites i can be found.

i dont know how this all works, and im unfamiliar with the culture around this website, so forgive me in advance. only blogs ive ever had were on tumblr, and im not keen on sticking around tumblr too much longer since they keep banning trans women for existing.

expect this post to be edited semi-frequently. the first draft of this was made while at 9:40AM because i stayed up all night instead of sleeping like an idiot.

if everything works out as i hope, i wish to make this a sort of personal blog. where i can log my thoughts and feelings, yes, but also where my headmates can do so, since they dont get much of a chance to express themselves in the outerworld due to the systems structure. typing is much easier for any headmate to do than fully fronting and physically expressing themselves, so its a sort of even ground that we all can enjoy. we will try to remember to sign off (eg, "- v, he/it").

right now, we dont have any "frequent fronters" besides me due to lots of new folks coming in and interrupting our mainstay "slots".

i hope that anyone who joins our blogging journey, no matter how briefly, enjoys their stay and has fun, or maybe even learns something from our experiences.

for more zoanthropy info: i am the only clinical zoanthrope in the system, as far as im aware, as im currently the only one who presents clinical zoanthropic symptoms. my body can morph and change to become more canine-like, and it can go through certain stages. human -> boy with canine features -> full canine (with the regular animal anatomy) or werecanine (more like a hollywood bipedal werewolf) and my transformations can cause pain and discomfort, though i mostly just feel fur sprouting and my organs shifting. my mind is that of a humans, however my soul and dna are that of a canines. my usual dog breed is border collie, with some australian shepherd ancestry. i have reddish fur with the usual white markings, though it is lightly peppered with gray spotting. i have one tiffany blue eye and one apple green eye.

i dont really know what a p-shifter is, but i guess you could call me one? i dont think shifting is something you can learn anyways and i cant control it, so i feel like most people either can or cant shift. theres always exceptions to the rule, however (not that i would be teaching anyone how, especially because that seems like a dangerous move for all involved parties). plus, i dont even know how i do it, i just do, so id be useless for that.

i dont know what the deal is and why i am both a wolf and a dog, and my identity as a whole is definitely more dog, all i know is that its me. thats why i use canine instead of specific dog or wolf when speaking generally, because “dog or wolf” is a mouthful.

i dont identify with the word human, but its easier to explain that way. i am more a person. my brain is and stays that of a sentient, sapient person living in a human society. im culturally human, you could say.

rarely, ill have short-ish bouts where i am a different animal, usually on top of being a canine, which confuses me, but i choose to go with the flow about it. if i think too too much about it, im afraid ill confuse myself more than just suddenly becoming a lagothrope/kounanthrope (family including rabbits, bunnies, hares) and accepting it until its over. i dont know what those little bouts are about, and i kinda dont wanna know!

i identify with my diagnosed clinical label simply because i experience a lot of double bookkeeping (i believe thats what its called). im aware of myself in some ways, and see how others see me alongside how i see myself. this is also exactly why reality checking doesnt work on me. i am aware of my symptoms, and i believe the delusions and semi-rare hallucinations that act as proof of my true self. my experience is constant clashing in that way, like i can see more than everyone else, but it rarely causes a problem, and so i go with it. no use fighting it. im a bit of a lazy dog, if youll forgive the pun.

currently, im having a hard time financially, and im struggling to pay the bills. if you would like to donate to the cause of me living and eating, contact me. i dont wish to become homeless against my will for a third time.

thanks for checking out my blog, and especially thank you for reading this far.