life/vent TW

hello everyone, this is my first blog; this is a venting blog so if you are sensitive to this kind of topic please do not click. 

hello this is blog #1, i am just going to vent here, My life has been a rollercoaster of emotions, i feel trapped, there is this guy that i am in love with but he is dating a girl, so that is sad but atleast he is happy, and also i have lost a few friends recently, they kinda hate me :/ anyway also i have been thinking of sh but i wont do it, its just life sucks, and i cant commit suicide because i have a family, my mother, father, cousins and friends, i just feel kinda emotionless, like i want a loyal partner but it seems impossible :/ i personally dont think love exists in my life, i am ugly, fat, and i am a shit friend to others, so idk what to do anymore. have a good day guys.