pg253

Its a Friday evening, and this whole day I have thought about deleting my Instagram accounts. The username had many meanings to me throughout the years; however, now it's just filled with dread. No, I have not done anything bad on social media, just personal problems that make the username... okayish.

Back on topic, Yes, I did delete it. And, oh my god, I felt sort of peaceful and refreshed. I dont know, I think it felt like letting go of something, like all the memories of that username, that name, that part of me, are now gone. I don't know if it's good or bad; truth be told, I don't know if any of my feelings or actions are good or bad anymore. 

I guess all of what has happened to me (past and present) has just made me a mess. I think blogging, or in general, just writing, has let me just pour out all of my feelings. 99% of the time, I usually have it hidden in my notes app or in my files. I have a lot of stuff that maybe other people shouldn't be seeing... 

Sorry for changing topics, but this is a blog post that is basically me ranting or venting. Either could work, to be honest; honestly, I don't care which is which. To be honest, I don't know much anymore about anything. I lost my best friend; might that be exaggerated? but it does sure feel like I lost them. Maybe I didn't try hard enough, but again, I tried. I can't keep wasting energy or my sanity for basically nothing given back—maybe even a "liked message" if I'm ever so lucky.

Its no use sticking around and making our friend group awkward. Im not a big fan of facing these types of things, yet I still do because Id rather fight than let things go easily, but I do know when to stop for my own good. I would rather put all of this out of my head and not focus on it, which I do on the outside, because I learned to just mourn for stuff in private, and with my account, I had to keep up appearances. 

But friends come and go, right? Ive been through this already so many times, both online and in real life. Only one has been this harsh. I cant believe I am reliving the same situation 3 years later. 'Best friends forever, my ass; it could be real, but it's always an imaginary concept; no one could be friends forever. Great friends exist, and close friends exist. With those, you dont expect everything to be perfect.

Maybe I'm overthinking this whole situation. 

I think this is enough writing for today tho, maybe.

if ur wondering the meaning of the title, its a page number of a book that inspired this blog.

see u then when i post again! 

-Maple/Truffle