Daily mushroom complex life

I recently stopped taking my meds, i don't like to make myself a poor thingy and a pitiful person to others, i don't like that, and even worse, i don't like talking my life at all!!!!

But let's be honest, at least for me, or others, it's a relief to just vent your frustrations in poems, art and words, somehow maybe there is someone out there having a worse scenario than you and can relate to this. Who knows...

Anyway...

I'm only trying to take care of myself, i know i haven't draw or post anything in my media, like a month or so i believe..., but then i look at myself and say, this meds, this therapy and this time is invested in my own health, in my own way to be the best person i could ever be.

It's hard, and i know it's hard because i remember all the things i have gone through, and i feel kind of proud of that, because i'm still writing, drawing, breathing and talking. I just didn't deserve to be like this in the first place, but then.. do i really have to be ashamed of just "living"?

I talk about living by the meaning of: making mistakes, learning about them, suffer the consequences and just...try not to make those mistakes again!!! And by mistakes i mean, stuff you do, stuff you didn't do, or you just afraid to go through that because you weren't aware of how much pain it would cause you, how much you would suffer today by remember it.

You may be punish urself so much because "why couldn't this be skipped" "why do i have this dreams of this people making my life miserable again" "am i the bad in this whole situation?" or even worse "it is all my fault?"

When I stopped taking my meds I started overthinking over and over and over again...
Then i knew something wasn't right. But it's sad y'know? to have... to take meds all ur life to feel less... depressed.

This is a sensitive state of mind that I don't want to referred to as some kind of "sadness" because it's so much worse, and I know, in a way... how it feels, so yeah... that's because you need to make yourself concious of taking something someone knows better than you and will make you feel better... but its a work in progress, but i just...woke up so so sad today?

Like someone has slapped me in the face 10 times and screw up my face by spitting it and treat me like garbage, it was.. awful, just waking up. I'm afraid of pity, i'm afraid of someone seeing me as... a "poor thing"

But i need to be stronger

You know why?

I got a sister, a matesprite, and a moirail.
Even so i felt that thoughts this morning, i need to pop up this bubble and try, try, and keep trying, just smile, just work, just be... me...

I need to be this funky funny girl those people love, i need to be that because i want them happy, mushrooms complex people stand by their side, maybe not 3 people, or just 2, or only 1, but they do stand.
To make you smile, to make you happy, to make you the best person you could ever be, because that would make us happy too, even if you don't believe it.

I love you.

I love them.

Mushroom complex people will never say those 3 words to a coworker or someone that meet up twice, or even in joke.
It's so important for us, to say that kind of stuff, because we really mean it, at least i do mean it.

I will keep fighting,, i will buy meds again to meet myself less "inestable" at the moment, but for now, anyone that has ever feel the same, please... take care too.