The mushroom complex

I'm not that extrovert...i'm not that interesting, i love drawings, i love listening to stuff, i don't know a lot of games, but still...everytime i spend time in a friend group or a server i end up... just being a ghost or not talking at all, ultimately i'm talking in a mlp server, they are cool!! And i love just... replying and laughing at their stuff hehe

But in a way, i spend my day alone, workin, doing comms, taking care of my sister, talking to my moirail and my matesprite...Aaaand i'm not complaining, i love this life, but i wonder, how it would be to have a big friend group or chattin in a gaming all of them together, it wouldn't be good too?

Yeah, i got friends irl, but i can't see them or, still, i'm too shy to ask to have time, and even so i have time with them... i could only take 1 person to talk to, idk why??? It's weird.

But the good thing is, i'm trying to keep my mental health good, i'm not overthinking about stuff, i'm happy!! But there's this thought: like seeing me in an alter ego or an alternative universe were i'm so sociable and happy with a lots of friends, then i ask myself: why can't i be this type of person?

And i study the situation and say, "i could try that", but i stand by just havin 1 person by my side, it's my mushroom complex, i call it like that.

Because, you are apart from everyone and you are still in the ground with the most beatiful garden you have ever seen.

I remember this girl i met once, we doesn't talk anymore but, when i remember the time we spend together, it was nice and i love it and think about it like a treasure of mine, i look at her at the distance and say... "she's so cool" "she's great" "she got a group!" "she's a 10/10"

And then... i exist.

It sounds like i got a self steem issue but i like myself, it's just... i think i will not belong to an group yet, well...at least not in this virtual world if you can call it like that...

Trust me i have been invited to groups of servers friends, and i just don't know what to write, what to talk, i just post gifs and have an small chat w someone on dm, it's frustrating!

But anyway...i like to spend myself invested in my art, in my own stuff, at least i have these special people in my life, and i love them so much...

Are you a mushroom complex person too?