9/11/23

He’s calmed down, finally. Down to one, or two texts a day. It’s what I wanted, peace and quiet, and it’s nice, don’t get me wrong. But it feels like the end of an era, you know? Like I had this little while where I had some romantic interactions, and now it’s gone. It feels like it’s up to me, though. It’s me who decides where this will go, and I vote NO. Like, yes he’s okay. But I don’t want OK, I want great, amazing, perfect. Ambitious, I know. But, and hear me out, “Shoot for the Moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars”, a quote by Norman Vincent Peale. Look at me, being all poetic again. A poetic, hopeless romantic with a ton of insecurities. Mhm, that’s just what the world needs. Another lover girl.

I have so much love to give- Girl, be serious. Love? For your bed, yeah. No, it’s actually a problem. I’m social, at school, on the bus, the bus stop. But that’s it, any more than that, and I’m done. You just have to find the right person- Yeah, let’s hope so.

But then again, let’s be real for a second. I CAN love. I HAVE loved, I WILL love. Time, time, time, it’s all about time, right? Time heals, time helps, time, time, time. The right time, right place.

Anyways, let’s see. I’ve been praying and wishing for a boyfriend, with no luck, obviously. So I changed my strategy. Now I wish for good grades. Boys come and go, but academic validation? That stays. I printed the good feedback and hung it on my wall. Drawing hearts around compliments about my writing. I’m not even kidding, I crave academic validation.

Also, Hozier. Andrew, Hozier, Byrne. God damn, that man ruined my view of love and relationships. Sex to TV Girl? No, studying together to Hozier. Not even kidding, give me a man who listens to Hozier, I’ll marry him. Don’t care about his flaws. He’s ugly- Oh, I can fix that, trust. Trust and believe. He’s dry- I’ll make him the chattiest guy on the planet. He’s- I WILL FIX HIM. Sing me Wasteland, baby! And I’m on my knees.

I just summarized today's Chemistry lesson in my notebook, productive, no? While listening to Hozier, while having my skin care done. Ready for bed. And who said I couldn’t have it all? (I’m going to loose it all in a couple of weeks, just wait and watch) :)