The Weight of this World is Breaking Me

I have scars
More than I can count
Some of them are physical

Faint reminders of the days I hated myself

Of the days that others hated me

Mostly, they’re mental

Voices in my head

Deep in my mind

Lost memories

Sunken into places I can’t reach

Awaiting deployment

They fade so slowly

These mental scars

Every night 

Another chance

To open wounds again

Nightmares

Reminder of the past

I could never escape

Dreams

A brief respite

From my own thoughts

A 50/50 chance

Of Heaven or Hell

An uncontrollable outcome

Generated by the mind

To process

Yet

It feels

Like 

Punishment