i am almost 25

give it two more days

i feel very much like i want to do reckless youth type bullshit that ive never been super inclined to do in the first place because, im 25, and itll be "too late" soon i guess, because as we all know, you turn in to a haggard old geezer immediately upon your 30th birthday

but also, i have this fear of considering any part of my youth the "peak" of my life. cause how sad is that. how sad is that!!! i dont want to peak, ever... i just want to steadily grow and chill out at some comfortable but healthily challenging altitude... some would call this "being mid forever" and, ummmm yeah kind of i guess ^_^ i wanna do great things and all but i never wanna turn myself into a walking memorial to my own potential

i still feel "peer pressure" in some ways... that faint but constant feeling that you need to be doing more with your life right the fuck now, like RIGHT the fuck now, and that needs to align with all the typical societal success markers along with a few of the very juvenile 'coolness' markers, regardless of how you really feel or have ever felt about any of that shit, which for me TENDS to be, idgaf, i wanna do my own thing, who am i performing for

i'm performing for YOU...in some abstract way. but i'd rather not