Dirty Mirrors (A Bittersweet Poem)

(This one is a little longer sorry ;~; I was listening to 'A Quick One Before the Eternal Worm Devours Appalachia' by Lizard in the Spring. It had me spacing out until I wrote this poem to organise my thoughts :] If you're taking the time to read my poetry- thank you!)

...

My chest twists with envy,

No matter how I turn it,

My eyes begrudgingly blurry, 

Insecurity that hurts to admit.

No matter how normal and grey,

No matter how queer and spiked, 

I can’t seem to fit me-

Into someone I like. 

My ribs hold organs empty, 

A purpose so null to me,

I constrict and choke for you,

The fabric holds me too tightly.

The fog is so thick today, 

And It’s dreary for you too,

Yet you’re ideal to me, 

There’s no escaping this blue. 

If you are feeling my heart,

Then is there no fixing me? 

If someone like you can empathise,

Then what hope can there be? 

The fog is shallow and falling,

Above it is clarity and wisdom, 

But we are too short to see above,

To escape our socialised system. 

Perhaps if it were less humid, 

I could see myself for what I am:

A bleeding, feeling, human being,

A person to understand.

I’m blind today,

And maybe tomorrow too,

But my journey has just begun,

I don't want to misconstrue. 

Under my skin, I bleed the same,

The bugs have no preference,

When we’re buried and gone-

They’ll still eat us with reverence. 

I might not be beautiful,

Or grotesquely sublime, 

But I’m a creature of this earth,

A creature with limited time.

Time unwise spent with envy,

Yet time that others would kill for,

So even if I struggle to comprehend it,

I’ll be more grateful than ever before.