again (ahUAVYAIUgvduehb)

hello again.  I missed a couple days. not much has happened anyway. I had ordered some stuff and it came. I had secretly bought some blades off amazon and I love them sm. they are so much easier to work with than what I usually had.

anyways, today was a boring day./

I am sure no one reads this so I might as well yap about whatever at this point. Sometimes it feels like nothing even matters !but I obviously still care what others think and its so frustrating, because some days im just like "yeah i dont care what anyone thinks about me, ill be happier that way" and then not even the next day i have a mental breakdown about an average social interaction. I think I'm just so sure of how others perceive me its hard to even think otherwise. I know what kind of person I am, and what kind of things people think about that type of person, because I know somewhat about me, at least from the outside for sure, and I hate how I am. Okay fhffhfhfhfhfhfjhfff that sounds insane. nevermind. its hard to explain. its more like, im sure of myself, in the negative ways, and its hard to enjoy anything being super aware of yourself as..yourself? i dont knowgeugrgvfufvh i dont care omfg grammarely is giving me the crying emoji as how my writing soudns to others IM GONNAKMSeu 

whatever./ i feel so fake. like im just exaggerating. it feels real! but nuh uh not enough!  i wish someone could just be honest about me. im so self centered wow all im talking about is me

another thing to fucking hate