i always revert back to this

it must be great to be away from school they say. yeah not for me!!! i get isolated in here. "it's only been a week and you're already bedrotting?" of COURSE i am!!! what do you think an extrovert with abandonment issues IS GONNA DO ALL DAY?! i cannot STAND the feeling of being alone so what do i do... i isolate myself and i dont respond to my friends by proxy. and it always fucking makes things worse. summer would be my favorite season if it werent for the god awful break from school during it. i genuinely feel like these walls are a cage. i never used to think i was claustrophobic but i swear to god its suffocating being bound to the same place for days on end. all i do is lay in bed and scroll for hours and hours on youtube and then when i finally look at the time i feel disappointed in myself for wasting all that time on consumerism instead of something i actually genuinely enjoy doing. i miss my friends and i miss the people i havent met and i miss the sunshine and the fresh air. literally clawing at the walls like a rabid animal let me out!!! let me into public!! and my mom acts like it's no big deal.. no big deal for YOU. i survive on talking to other people and i feel like i can't help myself but to get so so so low when shit like this happens. no motivation to do anything hauling myself out of bed periodically to go pet my animals and then flopping back in bed. i fucking hate the internet! my life would be better if i never got internet access! i literally use my electronic devices in the lamest way possible. i carry around a literal super computer and the only "benefits" i have from it is an eye problem and an addiction to the screen