The sad soul TW⚠️

Im not built for happiness

I am not built for happiness, all my life I’ve been the “depressed sibling/daughter”, “the dark one”, “the evil one” and “the one who sabotages my own happiness” I don’t have these names for no reason. I take a small feeling and I blow it out of proportion, I let it tear me apart and I let it ruin me, no matter how big or small it overflows and I end up breaking down.

I’ve tried to stop myself from feeling like this, I’ve tried to be “strong” but all it did was make me hide how I feel, now I feel when the day comes to an end and once I’m alone in my room that’s when I feel the most and that’s when I usually relapse.. once I’m alone in the darkness of my room and the only thing I can hear is my mind, I end up with scars and then I regret it just to do it all over again the next night. That’s been my life for 11 years over and over again.

But you made me stop for 4 months, you found a switch in my head and you turned it off, I still cry but not like I use too.. I still have bad thoughts but I never let them get to me like they did before and now I relapsed again you have no idea how much I hate myself for it and how much it hurt me knowing it would hurt you too but I still did it and honestly I didn’t want to stop, it was hard to stop once I started again because it felt like that would be the end honestly… I thought about going deeper I really wanted too.. you have no idea how much I just wanted to drive it deeper..

But I couldn’t do that to you.

-Memz