Are you normal or does the slightest criticism make you feel like throwing up, makes you sweat uncontrollably and your face feel like it's burning?

“I don’t have enough brain cells for this” and “I’m too mentally exhausted for this” should be valid and justifiable reasons to excuse yourself from any task assigned to you by your employer without any consequences or punishment like actually 

He said, "The thing about autonomy is that it is earned, it is not given. You have to prove yourself. You have to show me that you can do things correctly. You have to show me that you are up for the task." 

But I know that there is no sincerity behind those words. I know that he was trying to make it about himself. He was trying to put the blame on me when in the first place, he was the reason why I performed poorly. 

"From now on, don't communicate with them. Let me handle the coordination. Let me rebuild the rapport with them."  

The thing about myself is that I have the propensity to take things personally. And most of the time, it puts me in bad situations. I know that I can bounce back from that bad situation and prove them wrong but the way they handled the whole thing discouraged me from showing them that I can correct my mistakes. 

"We are expecting you to turn things around." 

I can turn things around and produce a good result. I was able to do that before. In my previous employment. I chose not to do it now because I don't see the value of doing that, especially after showing me that initiative and diligent work can easily be invalidated by just one mistake. 

"Don't let me spoon feed you."

In my head, I do things correctly. I know the things I need to do. I already mapped out and planned how to achieve my goals and finish my tasks. I know that I can work well in a team. I can also work independently. As long as you provide me with clear and complete instructions. I want to see the whole picture and then adjust when needed. Give it to me whole, not in pieces.

I really thought that this place is going to be my new "home" for the next two years before going to graduate school. But life has its own way of surprising us. Maybe I'm not really fit for this place. This job. This role. 

Better days are coming.