33 | sing us a song youre the piano man

hey

bad sad episode continued into Saturday I fr spent most of that day crying and lying fetal position until work. It happen sometimes frr

I think i was just tired and nervous for work as usual. On Friday, I made some quick cash by managing a ticket booth for a local band. It’s a fun gig cause you get to listen to music and play irl Papers Please.

this got my boyfriend thinking up the idea of starting a band and lightheartedly mentioned people who’d I know would be interested. Next thing I know he’s made a group chat, set list and assigned us instruments to play. I got put on vocals and keyboard. It’s been one of his goals to have a band, but honestly I’m not very onboard. I hate performing in front of people!!

I used to sing regularly around people and I absolutely hated every single performance. Like trust me here I was doing solos, national anthems, competitions, choir stuff etc.. Ugh, I just hated being judged and at the center of attention. It didn’t matter how much people told me I was a good singer, I can’t even stand to listen to recordings of my own voice! Even after performing multiple times the embarrassment and nerves just never go away. High effort and low reward type beat shit.

however, my resilience has gotten better these days so i wouldn’t mind doing a show or two however for pure shits and giggles, I think it would be fun to do something with friends and my boyfriend.