first encounters

hi blog, back on social media after I said i was going to ghost. Im making this blog Soley to let loose and unhinge the lid on my feelings about this boy. This boy Jadon. This is going to be like a series of just retelling all my encounters with him so i dont go slowly insane. 

First encounters 

I had met him in the unruliest way. Well to me its unruly, i think maybe to other girls my age would think it's normal. To understand my blog, you must first understand that I am only a mere 16-year-old harmless and mentally (something) girl. I met him through his cousin. Me and his cousin were talking first. It started with Kezia when I private messaged him on Instagram. I don't know, i didn't like Kezia, even in the beginning. I think it was the ego he had; it was so big. I guess i was afraid it would swallow me whole or something like that. On top of that, me and Kezia didn't actually talk...not like me and Jadon did. The whole deal was that I would have one of my best friends talk to Kezias "cousin". That friend was Gissele. Full circle moment, I had actually already known Jadon from covid year in about 7th grade. (yeah, great circle moment). One thing to know about gissele, she can argue. Not only can she argue well, but she could argue with a room full of 50 people and they would be left crying. I guess she has a bad habit of being unapproachable. I was her only friend up until sophmore year, she never talked to anyone. I mean it all worked out anyways because the year before this was happening, i had went up to jadon with her and tried to get his snap. Which he did give to me, for her. Yes, the friend was Gissele. I was helping them get together, and this is basically how my whole life falls apart because of one stupid guy.

 When they started talking, they had a lot of problems. They literally just bullied each other the whole time, and so, to keep them talking i would have to play middleman. You know like, go and individually text them and have them be nice to each other. To explain to Jadon, "no Gissele didn't mean that, she says it as a joke." Even then, i didn't want to help her, well help her with him. It wasnt because I liked him, because i didnt (not at this point), it was because i knew they would never be happy together. Okay dropping everything off the table, gissele is just. She isnt the relationship type. She is the type of girl to want someone to love her unconditionally but on her conditions? If that even makes sense. We aren't friends anymore, which also ties back into this story. They were talking yada ya, and then me and jadon started texting. You know, so i could help him with gissele. At some point gissele just gave up, she didnt think jadon was for one, cute enough, and two, like i said, she isnt the relationship type. Jadon and I started to talk more, we were just friends for this portion and everything was so fun with us. I remember everything. I remember us hanging out, the laughing and giggling uncontrollably at three in the morning. I remember us telling each other we are gonna be friends for ever. Or if jadon ever finds this "bestie for the resties". Had to. Yes, I remember. That was probably the happiest part of it all, before it went downhill. Jadon blocked me after 4 weeks of being best friends. Shouldve been a red flag but never back down. He did block me, and he didn't even do it because he was mad,he just did it for fun. I woke up to being blocked on everything and this was while i was still talking to kezia, his cousin, so i couldnt even say anything without looking suspicious.

To say I felt his loss is a giant foot in the wrong direction. I didnt just "feel" his loss. I WAS his loss. I was so torn for days. I don't even know what for, we only were friends. And thats where most of our problems came from. That stupid word "Friends". That word makes me barf. Because of that seven letter word, Jadon and I never told each other our feeings. I think what pushed me through that 4 week no contact was the shock. I was in shock that my "best friend" can do something like that to me. And before any one starts talking about "4 weeks isnt that bad" must i remind you. Im just a girl. Let alone sixteen. So yeah, 4 weeks was horrible. I just put my whole worth into that boy, so when he left he just came and took everything. Plotting, i was a whole plotter. I was plotting how to get him back. Like an FBI or ex- KJB, i was seeing where he goes everyday, his scheduele. (Real). I needed him back in my life, something was pulling em towards him. (my own stupidity) and i just couldnt handle him being gone for more than a minute.