Entry #1: God

I've been thinking about my relationship with God recently. 

For a while, I'd consider myself an atheist and recently I've moved over to the term agnostic but I don't think I've really believed myself to belong to those titles despite how much I wanted to convince myself. That's not to say that I'm converting back to christianity and religion as a whole. I don't think christian is a title that quite fits me either, despite believing in the christian God. 

I believe in God the same way I believe in the universe, stretching around us and far out way past what the human mind can comprehend. I think I only envision the God in my mind as the christian God because christianity is the only thing I can pull from for reference. 

I don't believe in God as an all-knowing being with the ability to past judgement or interact with us in the way the christian God does. I believe God is the air we breath, the burning balls of fire that shine in the night sky, the vast emptiness of space down to the very molecules of our bodies. 

I believe that when I pray, I'm bringing those thoughts into the world and into the universe. And when God, the God I believe in that fills my lungs with air, that fires the electrons in my brain and pumps the blood through my veins, the God in the gravity that anchors me to the ground, that spins the earth around the sun, may help to bring my prayer into reality. 

I don't believe in Jesus as the son of God, I believe him to be a person that may very well existed in the same way you and I do. I don't believe in an afterlife either. I believe that from the moment we cease to exist and the moment we exist again is shorter than a blink. I believe that when infinity passes and the atoms that create us as individuals return to existence it would've felt like no time at all. 

There's no heaven or hell. I used to take comfort in the fact that there was a place for good people to find peace and bad people to be punished but the God I believe has no moral conscious to cast that kind of judgement and I find those ideas to be, quite frankly, very human. The good and bad all go to the same place after death which is the fabric of the universe to once again be churned out when time has decided to spit their atoms back into existence. 

That's all.