teeth

"Lord,

Rid me of my word vomit."

 - my prayer prior to calling your name like that little green bird

"Lord,

Keep our eyes on the road."

 - my prayer as i told you four times:

    "KEEP YOUR HANDS ON THE WHEEL!"

"Lord,

Bless me today with an empty womb."

 - my prayer as i laid down on your bed

"Mother,

Forgive me for what I am about to do."

 - my prayer as your hands approached my heart at a startling pace

to have you mark your name on the very lungs that keep me alive

bruised by your teeth and tongue, and pink and tender like a sunburn

oh, and to have had you build yourself a home inside my body,

even if just to stay for a short time,

why, i had ought to make you pay rent!

and oh, what it would mean to me

to grow up and keep a shirt or two in your closet

my hairs on your pillowcases and my smell in your bed

how far is too far?

almost too close for comfort, we might be

i discreetly whisper prayers when i feel you coming closer and closer to becoming near god

and oh, i sing my praises when i feel you touch the back of my throat like a western breeze tickling tops of trees

how far is too far?

will we get stuck in one another's throats?

sometimes, all i feel is your teeth in me

"boy, why the hell are you so hungry?"

sometimes, all i feel is you kneeling at my feet

sometimes it's infuriating

sometimes i worship you so endlessly

sometimes i want to buy a one way ticket to france and forget i ever knew english

/

sometimes, all i feel is your teeth in me

like bruises on me and my thighs and knees

like bright red blooming on my freckled cheeks

like parasites sucking out all that's left in me

to be loved is to have my sharp edges dulled

to have my teeth rounded and yellowed by the ceasing of my constant gnawing on what it is i cannot have

someday, i knew i would find you

someone who can stomach the bitter bits of me