Valentine’s Day and Being Delusional

Happy Valentine’s Day!! 💕 I hope it was a wonderful day for all of you! Personally I’ve been thinking a lot about love and the like today, so I figured I’d share it with my blog. 

To preface this, I am a (closeted) lesbian in high school, so my experience might be a little different from yours or superrrrr relatable. Yesterday, Food Theory (a YouTube channel w/ MatPat) put out a video where they were challenged to quit all sugar for a month. One of the major hardships they faced in this was surprisingly not the physical challenges, but the social issues. A lot of people don’t notice it, but it can be really hard to deal with eating out or celebrating when you can’t eat sugar along with everyone else. But…what does this have to do with Valentines? Well this reminded me of how annoying it is to try and have friendships as a teen girl when you don’t have crushes on boys. People think the amount girls talk about boys in movies is completely over exaggerated, but in my experience it’s honestly 70% of the conversations some girls have. When I was little, starting all the way back in about second grade, I had started making up fake crushes on boys just so I could have longer conversations with my friends. I literally picked whatever boy seemed nice enough to me and just told my friends I liked him when I was pressured into telling my crush. It honestly is kinda stupid looking back on it. I’ve never had any friends that are boys since second grade until I hit high school (and the only boys I’d consider my friends are very much gay as well lol). But srsly having crushes is such an integral part of the girl social circle it’s painful. And it only gets WORSE. I have a certain friend who literally talks to me about boys 90% OF THE TIME, and it’s sooo annoying. Like she knows I don’t care when but its like she has one conversational setting and it kills me. Mind you, I would love to listen if it was really needed for her, or she had some news or something but SHE DOESNT. She just has the same conversation with my three times a day and doesn’t care to change it when I’m tellingggg her I’m tired of it. Anyway disregard that rant lol. The next thing for me is that it’s not even easy if I DID come out the closet. Like a girl on my school’s volleyball team is also queer (she’s bisexual) and she gets along with the volleyball girls really well because she’s extroverted and everyone knows she likes girls so they talk to her about that along with boys. Why wouldn’t this work for me you ask? Well that’s cause unlike her, I don’t have a girlfriend or any prominent crushes I want to go after. And it’s very difficult to have a conversation with volleyball girls without someone bringing up your romantic life for some reason. Not that I don’t like anyoneeee, but I don’t want to ask anyone out or anything, so it’s not something I really look to talk about allll the time. One of my best friends knows, and we only talk about crushes like every other month if there’s no real developments cause we have other things to do and talk about.  TLDR: yall can talk about things outside of romance so please do that T.T

Okay moving on to part two of the long V day blog, today. As I previously mentioned, I have a crush on a girl (it’s a small one and I’m not sure I want to date her fr yet), but I’ll rant about her in a future blog post I’m sure XD. She usually hangs out with my and my boy-crazy friend in the mornings before school, but she didn’t today so I started off Valentine’s a bit disappointed but not too bad cause I got to wear a cute pink outfit haha. Anywayyyy, in the lunch room area of my school today, they were selling a lot of deserts from different clubs for Valentine’s Day and I wanted the loft house cookies the German club sold. I brought some money for the 6 for 5 deal n everything. Only issue was my friend didn’t wanna go with me to buy them cause it’s Ash Wednesday and she was a little down in the dumps with her small meal from not being able to eat meat. Also for reference, my lunch table is a little confusing, I was originally at a table with my childhood bestie and her friends, but they gossiped a lot so we both kinda sit at my other friend’s table with her friends now when we actually eat. So ofc when my friend didn’t wanna walk up in line with me and my childhood bestie wasn’t there yet, I just figured I’d have to wait. BUT the guy on the other end of the table (who’s name I didn’t know but I think he’s nice and funny from basically sitting at his table for over a month) chimes in asking if he could go with me instead. So I was like “yea sure let’s go I’ll buy you a cookie for your company” and ngl it was chill cause he’s super nice. At some point he asked if I was single but I think it wasn’t in like a weird way cause we were talking about Valentine’s Day and how it was going for both of us. The best part though, was that he OFFERED TO PAY FOR MY COOKIES!! And didn’t let me refuse him and pay :/ (sneaky bastard ordered when I turned around so I didn’t even know XP). But seriously he’s a super nice kid so I felt bad, but on the way back to the table I was like “okay this sounds super bad and I’m so sorry but what is your name again?” And luckily he was like “omg thank you I didn’t know your’s yet either (0.0‘)”  so I learned his name and my friend heard and was like “you invited him to go buy cookies with you and you didn’t know his name?? XD” but it was all chill in the end. Also I tried to sneaks some money to pay him back and he ended up sneaking the cash back into the hood of my hoodie, which was so funny cause I told him I would do exactly that to him when I found out he was paying lol. So basically that whole moment kinda made my day, but I’m also doing the imposter syndrome/ delulu thing were I think every nice guy has a major crush on me and I’m bi and don’t know it, so ya know, panic. But also proof you can have a great valentine’s day even if you’re single!!

Hope you all have had a very special Valentine’s Day and enjoyed the extra long blog post today lol <3

P.S. I just realized this whole post is kinda ironic, cause I complained about taking about romance, then talked all about romance lol