Love: A Double-edged Sword. Which end is worse?

Love is kind. Love is dependable. Love is welcoming. That's what we were taught love is to be. When love can also be frightening. Narcissistic. Fleeting. Love is something I don't feel deserving of. I question whether that's because I believe I am a terrible person or because it has always been a double-edged sword in my house. That I subconsciously don't feel deserving of the kind of love that always comes with a catch. But because what love really is and should be has been blurred with the love I've been presented the two decades that my life spans, it'll forever be warped. That even in my (more) adult life I'll constantly be running from it. Even when it is a good love. A love deserving of praise. Not one that is owed because of what has been done for me. Not one that comes as a ball and chain. Not one that stays lit because of obligations. Not one that simply exists for time's sake. Love is a rose. Beautiful from afar, wounding to the touch. Love should be without thorns. Without undue struggle because love should not hurt to feel. So, a love for the sake of time or one to be indebted with eternally. Which jab will leave the worst scar?