keeping myself afloat (vent)

okay so like, im not doing bad, in fact im doing pretty good, i keep myself and my space clean, im trying to do the right things, im trying to make sure everything is going smoothly here and at school and with all my people and with myself and its like, im doing great. I feel horrible. I feel so bad all the time just being filled with rage about my trauma and shit. I never wanted to be angry, i never wanted to yell and scream and break shit to get all this HATE out of me. I want to love more but i cant, and that makes me angry. 

I dunno, maybe im overreacting to shit. I could be, but if i was i wouldn't be permanently messed up in the head because of what happened to me.