poison

(not sure what to call this tbh)
Sometimes i sit and taste the foulness of your name on my tongue, memories burned into every inch of me, fingers itching to push you away even though you’re already gone. I think of your voice, the things you told me to make me believe you truly cared, the sweet-as-venom tone you used to lure me into your sick games. The back and forth yoyo of your love, the ticking time bomb we always were destined to be. I think of your fingers on my skin, soft, yet feeling the burn of where they touched like my skin had been seared with fire. I think of the way you held me, the hunger in your grasp as you chased after something i could never give you, not after everything. The way you smiled at me like your dream was accomplished when i gave in, the sickness i felt as i left. The nights spent reliving the days we were together, hearing the things you would say and wishing i could rip my eardrums out, rewire my brain so every memory faded. The nights spent begging you to live when you were never going to die, the night spent wishing you would tell me the truth when the whole relationship had been a lie from the start. The terror of losing your love, despite there never having been love in this hell. I lay awake and curse myself for running back to you and letting you, even encouraging you to hurt me because it was all i knew. The way you took advantage of that. I scream silently and claw at my skin some nights wishing i could tear the taint of your bloodstained fingertips off my body. You changed me. You made me this animal i wish i never had to shake hands with, this creature i do not recognize. You were poison, and i hate myself for enjoying the sickly sweet taste.