core of my brain and branches to the within

my life, as far as i remember it, has been wrapped around my own spacing out  . I've spent life in my own head since i was young and it's either gotten worse as i age and figure things out or it's been just as bad and i've only started completely realizing it recently . thinking takes up the majority of my time, i find myself in trances, completely zoned out imagining something . 

my being alone i believe has been the biggest cause of this but i think the violent fear and simultaneous yearning for absolutely everything just adds on and on to this . I Daydream about everything I Think about experiences and great things and love and achievements and i daydream about beating the shit out my dad and cursing people out and crying and the comfort of a touch and whenever i'm Not doing it. Whenever i'm Outside of the confines of my own skull i feel. So. Miserable . I cannot live without it  .  I Never will beable to