All I feel is nothing

I don't know how to feel about that. It's like I am pretending, I think this whole enlightenment thing has shaped me into someone who doesn't even feel on this same plane of existence as others. I see nothing as a problem and no solution. Either it is or isn't, I don't always like what I see but at the same time it doesn't matter. Nothing matters. All of the meanings we apply to the events of our lives are random and we apply its correlation. I don't feel anything anymore, I'm not me. Going without only means I need to go within more. Maybe the reason I still cry is because in spite of it all I do search for someone other than me. Like now. I'll let it be, let the numbers connect. Nothing feels real anymore, even if I did find you what would it all mean?