6:45 PM. Ito, The Gazette♡‧₊˚‧͙˚☾｡

｡☆‧͙˚  Why is it so easy for me to get annoyed when people start doing "my" thing. I mean, it's not like I can gatekeep programs exactly. I have this relative, who honestly, is not my favourite. And the timing is laughable because last week, I just had a talk with my friend about how I'm letting go of my grudges against her, despite her "issues". Anyways, turns out her family was hiding it, but she's partaking in the same program I took that completely changed my life. And when I mean changed my life, I mean the entire trajectory of it can be attributed to this program. It means so, so much to me, and knowing that it's going to happen to someone who, honestly, is not the best person, is kinda crushing. She's really really really weird about this kinda stuff too, but I just gotta grow up. I don't even know if this is the "jealousy" I titled, but it's definetly along the lines of that. But after venting, I feel at peace with it. The relationships I formed through this program could never be foiled by the negative feeling I feel from this. It's something special I can keep all to myself and never have to share.

｡☆‧͙˚On another note, Im not a very "social" person. Me and my one best friend are the same in that way, and so we wont text each other sometimes for weeks. We have a mutual understanding of it, but recently, she's not spoken to me in forever (nearly two months I think?). Shes sent a few stray texts-the worst part about it, is im kinda glad. This time is different because shes posted a bit about her life, and they are really really big updates. Like, shes never been involved romantically before and thats happening. Im kinda glad shes not telling me, because even though she would always keep to herself about this sorta thing, recently Ive just been frustrated about our relationship. I feel constantly judged. It's funny cause she used to be one of the most non judgmental people ever-she believes cringe culture is dead. At the same time though, its not when it comes to me. I know exactly what kinda image she has of me. Shes been super focused on taking care of herself. Im really glad shes found herself, and shes always been hella pretty, but shes been going all out. Working out, spending tons of money on skincare and beauty. When I tell you, shes drop dead gorgeous, I mean it. But because of this, she openly shows that she views me as some huge, linebacker, gross person. Honestly? Kinda true. But it hurts when she doesnt even try to hide it-making comments about my huge shoulders, or how I look, what I do. It's like walking on eggshells around her because she'll react disgusted with something I do. I never really cared about being musty before, but now Im annoyed. Sure, my insecuritys are showing. They've always been there-but I've never felt like my friends believed in them until now.