Nika´s diary

TW: anorexia nervosa, sh, recovery, vent!! (NOT PRO-ANA)

Okay, well, I dont know how to start but I´m in recovery anorexia and sh... bc I discovered about non-dualism and this asnwer a lot of my questions of life. Like, if I´m not real and all this isn´t real, why worry about this world and why suffer?? Why punish my self to have a perfect body when I can just manifest a perfect AND healthy body? Knowing this and dont want recover is like say "I want suffer more" and be idiot. I dont feel like my traumas are valid and this made me think that if I continues dont want recover I´m victimizing myself, when actually I just feel confortable in pain and sadness. I don´t know what I want to my life and I´m really embarrassed about this. I feel hypocritical. 

My english is really bad bc english is not my fisrt language, thats why this text probably have some spelling errors :D