authentic boredom

i find myself falling into the trap a lot of envying the 90s and 80s and the rosy sort of image i project onto it even when i know its a false one

there's just something to me about being young at that time thats so alluring to me. i mean, i was technically a '90s kid' but only for the single year of my birth, it only counts because it has to you know

i know i'd be bored to tears, i'd probably go fucking crazy. i don't know who i'd be without a screen to shove in my face. but sometimes i still want to try it, maybe like a trial of endurance or something. but i struggle to even stay off a single website let alone the entire internet. its honestly laughable

these dayz you have to call it a dopamine detox and lock your fucking phone in a chained box and bury it for a month to get even close to inhabiting that world

there's a lot especially about the alt scene that i just cant help but wish i'd gotten a front seat to. EVEN when i know about all the misery that was festering behind the scenes. i think sometimes you just cant help not to romanticize the past when you can't find what you're looking for in the present and you don't have a good feeling about the future. that's why your grandma talks about how they dont make shit like they used to and sits in front of andy griffith marathons talking about the golden age of "good clean television"

i know i'd be 20 times more isolated than i already am, and that much more clueless. i'd probably be involved in a really bad scene. just like, knowing myself, it's likely

but then, i might be equally as "sheltered" too

who knows