4 am

is it 4.56 am? yea, it is, however i would rather be sitting here, shivering, waiting for my heater to warm up the cave i reside in, than close my eyes and see whatever it is i was dreaming about this time. If I could sleep for once without seeing all the worst times of my life i would do nothing but sleep, but since im here, alone in my head, seeing all the pain ive known, I cannot close my eyes. Every blink is like an opportunity to replay little snippets of the dream that i couldnt escape last night.