faith?

I have a hard time fully believing in anything does anyone on here struggle with the same issue? I've always questioned everything from atheism to christianity to spirituality and none of them make sense if you dig deep enough and for most of them u barely need to scratch the surface to even see the ridiculousness of it all. It's not that I dont believe in anything, I definitely think there is some type of higher power but also if thats true why allow this suffering? theres nothing in the world that can convince me that some of the things that happen in life are deserved. I was ready to go on a whole rant about it but truthfully that would take me a while and I dont know the character limit on this lol plus I'm losing the momentum to care about it at the moment. Essentially nothing makes sense to me, I have so many questions and i dont necessarily need to believe in anything i guess but something that actually makes sense might bring me some peace. idk i have so many conflicting thoughts and emotions. I truly hate being a human and the "human experience".