talking about my partner

today i was with my partner and i was infodumping about smile rancher and after 30 minutes of me talking about it they were like "could you stop i dont understand anything about what your saying"

thats so shit like i just told you every slime what they eat, what their fav food is and where you can find them and thats the only thing you can say about it that really has hurt me becouse they also werent listening and thats just so depressing like i dont NEED attention but if we are doing something together atleast listen to me??

i dont even understand why we were "meeting" if they didnt even want to listen gosh the voices in my head are better listeners than that i swear

also one time when we met (like 2 or 3 days ago) i was just quiet becouse i was so tired and exhousted and than they were like "i dont know what to do when your quiet becouse you usually talk so much" like girl this was prop meant good but i just dont wanna talk rn cant u talk about something

(yes they are right i talk very often and very long but i want to change that becouse they said that i was "to loud" so i stopped talking)

also i dont really see the point of seeing them anymore like they never seem happy or exited when we do something, i always have to make plans and they cant decite anything (wich isnt bad but it makes planning things hard becouse i am so scared that i will dissapoint them that i cant make these decisions without paniking wich often means that i get in big amounts of panik and/or get panik attacks)

i still love them of course but it seems so one sided 

also yes i know i should talk with them about this stuff but i am way to scared to do that