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Anger Managment

Sometimes I feel like im going insane, but insane enough to know to keep my sanity because it's not like the insane where you think you're sane, but insane that you know enough to look sane and that seems even worse because its almost manipulative???

But also it's kinda the type of thing where you're not actually insane because actually being insane, like a psychopath, is something else entirely. And you're not tryna be emo and end up on a slideshow. 

And you cant really tell your friends either because theyd think you're tryna be different, maybe you are, and at the same time you dont want to be weird. 

Anyways, I dont think I am insane but whenever you do feel like you're losing it, you gotta go all emo and lone wolf and do it yourself. Especially if its over something dumb. 

Kinda on that topic, Id been super super super irritable. Everything and everyone was pissnig me off-even before talking to strangers, Id immediately have this terrible image of them in my head. Sometimes it happens, understandably if youre under stress or something, but this time was different. And when I tried to explain it to my friends, they couldnt understand how much I ttruly meant this. Like everything was pissing me off to the point where I had to count breaths. I fetl like I really was losing it. Later, I found out it was irritable side effects of my autoimmune disorder after getting off my meds-which made sense, because before I even went on meds, I thought I was just a bad person. But getting off and feeling like my "bad personness" was amplified even more, just shows that I felt fine whilst on meds. Crazy because it's not even a mental illness. Writing this out though, feels so gross, as if Im tryna be different. But honestly, I feel like Ive always struggled with anger issues-and Im not even sure if I can pinpoint it on this autoimmune disorder. I kinda pinned it on me taking after my dad. But wtv. 

Going to another city for college is good, because snapping all the time is not fun. 

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