Life recently-

[So I’m js going to use this blog as a diary, I’ll try to do this atleast once or twice a week, I don’t know if people find it interesting so js tell me in the comments]

TW//sensitive topics

I’m not going to sugarcoat this, life has been absolute dog shit these last 2 months. Everyone I know (irl) is fake as shit, well except for a few people which I’m grateful for. My psychiatrist prescribed me stronger doses of medication which led to my hair thinning which gave me even more stress, I feel like I have to keep up with an image of ‘a perfect classmate’. I can’t open up to anyone cause I’m scared that everyone will think I’m crazy or insane, I don’t want people to see me as a psycho, I’m scared. I joke abt $uic!de as a way to cope or just to hint to people (irl) that I’m not ok and I might just disappear one day, I want someone to ask me if I’m ok so I could open up, I truly want to get better but I feel selfish to vent about my feelings, which is why I’m writing this. I relapsed on my substance abuse which leads me to mental breakdowns and even more bad habits resurface. Recently I opened up about this to my therapist. I mentioned that I want people to ask me how I’m doing so I could feel like people actually like me as a person, she told me I sound narcissistic. She probably didn’t mean it that way but it still hit too close to heart.

I need help, but I’m afraid I’m selfish for that.