about my 2024 so far..

i feel like 2024 has brought out the best in me so far. i finally feel like myself again, even though im still struggling with anxiety. i spent my new years celebrating with my 2 friends, my brother and his best friend. it was beautiful and i dont think ill ever forget that night. we were outside on a field watching all the fireworks, laying on the grass and goofing around. we didnt even drink anything but we were just acting so silly :-))) my friend also literally arrived 4 hours too late and it was already 1am when she was here LMAOOOO T.T

ive also stopped using tiktok almost completely because it made my ocd go crazy.. i always got those "dont skip" videos and they really scared me, eve tho i know they arent real. i do feel really bored most of the time but i feel like this is something that will be good in the long run. i feel more productive and dont spend my hours scrolling on tiktok :-)

another fun thing i did is trying cigarettes and w/eed for the first time ever!! it was really nice because its been on my bucket list for a long time, and i do have to say that it really wasnt as bad as i thought it'd be. of course i did it in a safe enviornment, my best friend and brother were there and we baked some special brownies alongside just listening to music and having fun. i didnt really notice any effects, i was just tired and giggling all the time. i think i didnt notice anything because my brother got it in a legal store and they dont lace it with anything else. it was quite nice.

ive just been outside a lot, exploring, shopping and trying to go to school again aswell! its really hard some days but i am slowly getting there. my meds also got upped and im on 100mg now and i feel like taking medication has really helped me aswell. i geniuenly think they saved me.

i know this is all scrambled but i wanted to give u guys a quick summary about whats been happening in my life!! theres gonna be even more posts soon, i just need some time to write all my crazy storytimes down T.T