Living "alone"

The sun is reflecting off the hotel opposite my window into my face. It's the only time I get to see something that's part of the sky without smushing my face against the pane, thats how big the hotel is, thats how wide my view is. This isnt how i expected moving out to be like. 
I live on my own, despite having flatmates. I eat whenever I want but I still feel bad when I dont have the energy to immediately clean up after myself. It's like my body is on cooldown.
I only remember I have flatmates when I feel like Ive inconvenienced them...and when I happen to see them in the halls. Sharing a toilet is the worst, especially since it seems like they only take fat dumps when im about to get ready to leave the house. Our bathroom has no windows, only an old ventilation system thats clinging on for dear life. Just sayin.

This whole building is very old and slowly coming apart. We were theorizing about whether we would have to move out while they renovate, came to the conclusion we'd have to collectively move out as a group, so we could move back in as the same group. I do like them. I just expected to see them more. It's not bad that i dont see them all the time, i imagine it could also become quite annoying.

Still, the instagram stories and the blogs and the photos of happy flatmates sharing dinner on a big round table in a dimly lit room, surrounded by dried plants and candles and weird 100 euro figurines, they do something to you. You know theyre pretentious and that life cant be THAT good for everyone else but you and your roommates. And you wonder if living there would be any different if the main tenant wasnt 53 and frankly a mess. If he didnt put his bread straight on the counters and tables, and just wiped off the crumbs when he was done. If he stopped forgetting to turn off the old rusty gas oven before he leaves for work. I'm NOT about to become a caretaker as well as a flatmate. I'd do it for payment, but not like this. Sorry man.

My hand kinda hurts, I'll write more if i feel like it and dont spend my entire day playing video games again.