Rant / Feb 4th 2008 (roleplay)

Everyday i feel as if someone or something is watching me. I think it's just me being anxious since I'm by myself most of the time but I'm starting to wonder if it's an Alternate. I might just be going crazy or something, who knows.

It's really weird without Adam and Jonah around. I get why they left, I can't pull myself together. Ever. I guess I just pushed the wrong buttons because one of them hates me and the other one lied to me. At this point, I don't really know what to do. I keep getting ignored when I try to help and it's making me feel like my efforts are worth nothing. It also seems like my work for BPS is just ignored because nobody acknowledges it.

I just hate being alone. I know I have Sarah but she doesn't really say much. I miss the chaos and funny moments. I know I shouldn't be worked up about the past and my mistakes but it feels empty. I feel empty. Call me edgy, whatever, I don't care, but The big switch that happened in what? 3 or so days I think it was, is just a lot for someone like me to handle.

I've already lost my shit three times and I can't keep going like this because I know I'm gonna spiral again. I don't know. Maybe I need therapy or something. Whatever.

All I know is that if this weird paranoid feeling stays, I'm gonna go crazy. Jeez.

Feb 4th, 2008