i wanna go out!!!!! +medication talk

i really want to go out today . . my brain is doing well right now and i want to take advantage of that!!!! it's not every day that i feel calm enough to leave the house!!! i want to go somewhere!!!!

my friend has been wanting to hang out so i may call him up ^.^ i wanna go to the bookstore and i know he likes it there...i also wanna see his new piercing and hear about his boy drama...juicy! i miss u ferris!!!!!


i dont wanna spend another day inside . . ocd and whatnot has been kicking my ASS!!!!!!!!!!! get me my damn MEDS!!!!!!! (tomorrow..)

the following weeks will be very hard, i think. im seeing a new therapist and shes going to help me get over my intense fear of medication so i can ACTUALLY begin to get better...we arent even touching on my other fears, the meds are more important right now. without the meds, i cannot get on the right track to heal...its like a car :o you can have EVERYTHING you need, license, keys, mirrors, big gulp and whatever else...but without gas, you arent going to go anywhere. i have been going to therapy for almost a decade, ive stayed in inpatient care facilities, ive tried hypnosis and almost some large magnet brain machine, but it hasnt worked because i havent had the gas (meds). or at least, not the correct gas. i was using diesel or something lawl...but ive been too scared to go to the gas station!! BUT NOT ANYMORE!!!!!!!!!!! 

im excited but also scared.. so want to buy myself a treat in advance (fight club book) to help me stay motivated and whatnot...i am powered by treats and praise and rewards.

i know it will be okay and i know that nothing bad will happen, but my brain is doing everything it can to scare me into submission...BUT I AM STRONG!!!!! im tired of living like this, its been 2 years already and i want my life back! i know i will still have my issues, that wont change, ive had them since i was a kid. but i can learn to fight them and i will have the power to do so!! yahoo!!