2024

So far 2024 has not been too kind out of the gate, although I'm doing my best to survive.

December 6th - I lost my father suddenly to a brain bleed the coroner couldn't really explain. This lead to what I can only describe as a whirlwind of phone calls, messages, and group chats that felt like they passed me by in a blur. 

December 13th - We held my father's celebration of life and I gave a life tribute on behalf of my sister's and I which was tough to write. A lot of friends, family, and acquaintances showed up which was nice but also overwhelming. Then I found out my grandfather had left the hospital AMA because he wanted to bury his son and spend Christmas with his family so he could die happy.

December 23rd - My grandmother collapsed from a stroke and was rushed to the hospital to discover she also had a brain bleed, and after hours of surgery it was deemed to be too much damage to repair and every other opinion on her health was grim at best.

December 31st - My grandmother was taken off life support and passed away hours later all while we were still reeling from my father's death.

January 7th - We had my grandmother's service and many friends and family attended but you could tell everything had taken its toll on everyone. We've been pretty fortunate on my dad's side of the family that we haven't had too many deaths but suddenly both my siblings, aunts, and uncles all suddenly experienced the loss of a parent.

All the while I feel like I have not even begun to heal from either death, as it has fallen into my lap to sell the rest of my dad's tools from his garage for my siblings and I to split as he had no will or anything left behind except the contents of his shop. Compounded by my grandfather's failing health, I feel like my brain won't even let try and grieve so that I don't have feel like I'm starting over again when the inevitable happens. I keep being told not to worry about a lot of stuff and focus on me but the lack of progress I've made still bothers me.

Despite the fact it's becoming increasingly more difficult to do general life things and take care of myself, I do have an interview Tuesday morning for a promotion at work so it's something. 

The only thing I can do is take everything a day at a time and hope the sun comes out again.