PREZ UPDATE ??!!!!

OMG AAA i literally didnt think anybody would be interested in my blog ?! i was just using it to rant and shit BUT OKAYY HERES THE PREZ UPDATE CONCERNING MY PREVIOUS BLOG ABOUT ME AND SID !!!!

(trigger warning: sa)

so! i had this friend, i'll call him lace (just because he becomes somewhat relevant later) who worked at the gaming lounge in my city, and he met prez there. my friend introduced me to prez in january last year and prez was genuinely the funniest dude i probably ever met . me and prez ended up sharing a psychology class AND a design class so we became really good friends! we would hang out after school, and on the weekends and shit , and he became one of my best friends,
he became a pillar of support for me becuz i wouldnt really open up to my other friends , the same went for him but we were under similar circumstances and understood each other?? we made a silly little promise to always tell eachother what was wrong and support eachother throu whatever T-T
anyway, i met sid obviously and yeah that happened(prev blog for more info) , prez was in the middle of us because me and sid both confided in him about our relationship and he was a bit of a third party.

then me and sid broke up, and my gurl friends really hated sid from the start so i couldnt really talk to them about it - they were really sick of him and hearing me talk about him. so who did i confide in through this time? PREZ !!! 
prez was a g, and he very explicitly promised he wouldnt tell anything i was saying to sid, because sid was also talking to him about it nd i didnt hear any of it from prez. for that, prez still has some of my respect. so yeah, i trusted him and bitched and whined for weeks until it was all out of my system and he was there for me.

sometime in april i think prez went to visit his friend in another city for a few days, seven hours away from us; and they ended up drinking and whatever, thye had a little party.
the whole time prez was messaging me, he even got his friend to follow me on insta so they could keep messaging me when his phone went flat.
it was really funny for a bit but then it got weird. they stalked my highlights on insta and prez and his mate were talking about how fine i was, and that i was "cute as fuck" to quote him .... i chalked it up to him being drunk but uh.. then his friend messaged me when he was alone saying that prez had liked me for a while and he doesnt know how to feel about it or what to do, again, i tried to ignore it.. 
they went on like this for three or four hours at least, sending me SOOOO many voice messages of them being drunk and stupid until i told them to get to sleep at like 2am .

prez was really embarrassed abt it the next day, and he absolutely refused to listen to the vms he sent me , i think he knew what he was saying then and yeah.. 
that was weird but i ignored it and we went on as good friends,

we ended up working together at this retail store selling computers (a mutual friend got us both the job), and it was all chill.
sometime near my birthday in october, some friends convinced me to throw a party at my house. i went through with it and organised it, prez was obviously invited *
the party was on tuesday night since we had school off on wednesday. me and prez were working just that previous sunday and i got a ride home from him, i asked if we could get maccas but prez said we shouldnt because sid had got a job at maccas and he happened to be working. i got annoyed and told prez to tell sid i wanted to be friends again just cuz i was sick of everything being so awkward. we sat in his car in front of my house for like an hour just talking bout it, prez agreed and said he would talk to sid about it because they also made plans to hang out after sid finished work apparently, so ya i got a message from sid later that night about it and we sorted it out like the big kids we are >:3 !!

ya, it was going awesome, up until the night of my party. one of my besties came to help me set up and prez messaged me saying him and sid were driving arounf and he wanted to say hi . they stopped by and we sat in my backyard just chatting . i was sososo happy, i thought it was all behind me and we could all just be friends again after the massive shitshow that was me and sid.

i felt a bit bad that sid couldnt come to my party but i had it all sorted and my mama wouldnt appreciate another sudden guest, but sid said it was all good, prez left to drop sid home and me and my other friend continued setting up.

little fastforward to my actual party, WHICH WAS REALLY FUN !!!1!for the most part.. it was chill, i only invited a few people, amongst some included prez obviously, and lace. as it turns out lace is a really sensitive drunk, and he started CRYING.... for AGESSS... it generally brought down the mood and i got really upset because i thought i was being a bad host, prez brought me outside to his car and gave me a cig and let me cry on his shoulder which was honestly pathetic, but i was also pretty wasted, and lace has been like a little brother to me since we were like eleven, seeing him upset makes me upset and yeah whatever.
eventually everybody went home, or i tucked them in and put them to sleep on my couch. soon it was just me, pez, and lace. prez gave me his jacket because it was cold btw, which isnt totally relevant but it adds to the weirdness..... 

we were all laying in a circle, with my head on prez's lap, and lace's head on my lap.andthis is the point that kinda wrecks me..

lace starts kissing me, like all over my face and my mouth :/ ... as i said before, lace is like a little brother to me (i learned later from sid that lace liked me during me and sid's relationship), and he started trying to touch my chest,

it was really weird so i immediately got up and tried to put him to bed on my couch with the others. he fell asleep so it was just me and prez awake now. i think it was around 3am.

me and prez went to go sit back down and we had a few shots, then we went back to my room to watch a movie.
yeah, you can guess what happened in there.
he closed my door and ya. we were both drunk, and i instigated him, i dont know who to blame, but i know i was definitely drunker than he was, and at this point in time he had a girlfriend.
we didnt actually do it, he just touched me but hh... i dont wanna get graphic but he said a lot of stuff. like calling me a crazy slut and wahtever >~< bruh it was just weird.

i put him to sleep in the guest bedroom, went back to my room feeling sorry for myself, had a small cry nd went to sleep. it was like 7am then, everybody was starting to wake up just as i was going to sleep, so five minutes later, my mama knocks on my door and tells me everyone is awake and she was going to work.

i felt like absolute shit when i went out to the lounge. prez was as equally fucked up because he went to sleep at the same time as me. one of my friends drove us to maccas and we had a huge feed together bahaha, all hungover with our vapes on the table in the eating area. it was really silly honestly..

we went back to my house, but my other friend left to drop our other friend off and go home. so it was jsut me, lace, and prez.
it was awkward. they knew what they did but i tried to be lighthearted and pretend to forget what happened. i kinda wish i kept pretending i forgot. i made them tea and we sat outside in the sun,

i kept drinking when we got home though, liek the fuckn trooper i am, and we watched a movie.
sid messaged me because he was in town and asked if he could come over to pick up his cigs and lighter from prez's car . i said it was fine so he came over and had a cig in my backyard. weirdly enouhg, i felt more safe with sid than with lace and prez then, the two boys prior to the night i wouldve died for.
i went out with sid and shared a cig with him, and we just talked as lace and prez watched a movie inside.

this is totally unimportant but its so funny to me that sid started trying to wash my dishes!!?? XDD 
he kept insisting that he wanted to help but i made him sit down and washed my own dishes, he's literally such a dork.

but ya, we just waited for prez to sober up some more so he could drive them all home . sid tried to tell me he could come back and help me clean which i very quickly and politely declined.

as you could imagine, i wanted to be alone.

so yeah they left. i cleaned my house and thought about everything.
i was really sad, overall. every boy i had ever trusted, liked me for one reason really.
after that it got awkward. lace used to walk me home and come in for a cup of tea, he doesnt do that anymore, prez doesnt talk to me or even look at me at school anymore ..

after i confronted them, they really pushed back and yeah, i'm not really friends with anybody anymore. 
honestly, i miss them , i have other friends but both lace and prez were really different man ykno?

but i'm disappointed really. in them and myself, i felt like shit for ages about it now and i regret that party more than anything.
all my other friends are still friends with prez and lace, so i feel like i took one step forward befriending sid and two steps back losing prez and lace.

but mostly, i'm ok . prez and lace are happy in a third outside friend group which is good. especially lace. i only want him to be happy and safe so i'm really fine with how everything ended up.

i wonder how this year will turn out, i hope they both forgive me to be honest. i forgave them both a while ago but yeah hmmmmmmm idk ,,

ANYWAY!! if you read all the way through, i lov you sm mwah mwah mwah :3
this blog is a little liberating to me, a weights been lifted heheh :)))