My Identity In-Depth: Graysexual Gyneromantic Demigirl

Hello! My name is Phoebe and I love to dress up super girly. I'm a 27 year old assigned male at birth (AMAB) demigirl. Here's the story of why I identify the way I do!

Crossdressing Cartoons & Forced Feminization

Everything started with crossdressing scenes in cartoons. The whole concept of a boy being made to look like a girl had me very curious. I have never been a very masculine person and a lot of my traits (especially my hands) are very feminine. I am basically built like a twink. I searched for forced feminization following my exposure to these cartoon episodes. While searching through this topic, I discovered the dynamic of mistresses and sissies. To make things simple, this dynamic can be considered part of BDSM or it can just be another form of a female-led relationship (FLR) without so many sexual aspects to it. Where I stand on this power dynamic is the less sexual aspects of it, and moreso the dress-up/fashion aspects to it.

Sissies are essentially all things considered hyper feminine (even too feminine for some women and girls) and everything having to do with women being nice to look at, but on biological males. It is a whole entire fashion aesthetic with items such as dresses, lingerie, makeup, glitter, false lashes, petticoats, heels, nail polish, fake boobs, etc., etc. To make things clear, I am only considering sissies and the associated fashion aesthetic within purely the realm of crossdressing and gender identity, but nothing else. I am aware of ABDL sissies too, but I am not interested in that dynamic in the slightest.

Emasculation, Maids & Fairies

Learning about sissies and mistresses created in me a love of all things super feminine and a deep desire to be extra emasculated. In fact, while I generally resent my masculinity, I'll still express enough of it for it to be targeted and diminished. I also found one of the primary themes for sissies to be acting as a maid servant. My love of everything maid-related came from this discovery. I also found out that I love fairies and magic so fairy wings and glitter became a big part of my aesthetic, in addition to maids.

Gender Identity Labels

Throughout this whole time I had experimented with various gender identity labels, such as bicurious--thinking this had to do with gender and not sexuality for some reason, transgender, femboy/janegirl, and finally I settled on demigirl for now.

Demigirl is part of the non-binary and sensfeminine (inbetween ciswoman and transwoman) umbrella and it's someone that partially identifies as female, but not fully. I experience gender dysphoria over my male clothes a lot, but I don't want to transition. I think demigirl is a good middle ground for me.

Where I'm At Currently

It took over a decade to actually be able to dress up on my own. My parents were very religious and against all forms of non-traditional appearances. My first time dressing up was at an anime convention in 2019 as a pink fairy maid. In subsequent years I was a green and pink fairy maid at my best friend's house. I eventually moved in with that friend in 2023 and I went on to actually dress up more regularly and make my living space cute and girly, etc. I am currently, in addition to the sissy fashion I have, learning how to put together more conventional women's outfits and apply makeup. I am hoping to find a job that is open to diverse hires such as nonbinary individuals or transwomen, so I can experiment with my expression more outside of home.

Currently I think I am attracted to women but I'm a virgin so I think it's fair that this is a gray area for me, so my sexual orientation is graysexual/grayasexual. Romantically I can say I love women, and so my romantic orientation would be gyneromantic or proquaromantic (both having to do with romantic attraction to women).

Conclusion

I have found out a lot about myself and have made significant strides toward the life I want. However, without the aspect of another person (preferably a woman) to emasculate me, I have never been fully fulfilled. I am essentially a demigirl with a humiliation desire for being a dress-up doll to someone or something. Having to doll myself up, while I can be content, doesn't truly make me happy really. I hope one day I can get into a FLR with someone that likes to doll up an AMAB twink like me lol.

I created this entry to get a ton of things off my chest recently and to put into a tangible form how I'm currently feeling about myself and how I identify. Thank you for taking the time to read this if you came across it! 🥰