Tired of this

Why am I never good enough? I give people everything I fucking have and I always get NOTHING in return. Just sorry excuses. You say I'm the greatest friend you've ever had, that I'm always recharging to you, that I never fail to make you feel better, that you care about me the most, that you think about me all the time. Why then, do you never text me first, never initiate plans, CONSTANTLY cancel our plans THE SAME DAY with the same five bullshit explanations, never even remember we had them in the first place. I'll get a text saying you're just too exhausted to have social interactions today and then see you go onto a social game on steam and will later hear confirmation from you yourself that you were playing it with people you know. This has to be a fucking joke. At least every shitty person I've known in the past didn't have the fucking audacity to shower me with fake ass praise. They didn't really care and that sucks but they didn't go around telling me how much they cared to try and trick me. I'm so tired of trying to make this shit work. No one has ever been worth it. They take and take and take and what the hell do I get out of it? And the second I try to let any frustration out I'm the bad guy. Everybody can rot in hell I'm fucking done with this shit. I've done nothing but try my best and yet all I'm ever told is that everything is my fault. The only times anyone has ever actually tried harder to please me is when they were attracted to me and the moment I rejected them they became just like everyone else. I'm not a fucking THING my worth isn't based solely on my attractiveness. No one seems to truly understand that I'm better than this and I deserve better than this. I didn't even understand that for most of my life but I do now. I thought you'd be different because you didn't leave after I told you I didn't like you like that but clearly once again I was wrong. I always put too much faith in people and this is where that gets you. At this point what reason is there to keep trying? I'm sick of this feeling of isolation. Feeling lonely while you're alone is infinitely better than feeling lonely while you have people in your life. I'm probably better off by myself since I'm the only one that's kept me alive this whole fucking time.