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do yall ever feel so drained, so tired, so exhausted. to the point where you just want to be invisible, to observe others but not being perceived,
i genuinely feel like i don't fit in anywhere,
i was thinking how i was raised around adults, i always stated quiet around them, i couldn't find a way to involve myself in their conversation, i was just kid, i was ignored and praised when i was quiet and cute, i played by myself most of the time, playing in the dirt, exploring, trying to find something that would keep me busy. and when the adults had kids with them i was shy but excited to finally have someone my age to talk to, just to realize i didn't have anything to talk to, i was awkward, I've always been awkward, i fucking hate being awkward
i had friends, people who have issues like mine but they've all drifted away, they are busy now, they have thing to pursueย
i don't know how to socialize its sickening to crave it when i don't even know how to keep a conversation going, how to be interesting. i cant just talk about whats actually on my mind because thell think I'm weird, and even if i try it never comes out the way i want to. i don't know how to put my thoughts into words when I'm talking its embarrassingย
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honestly, I understand how you feel. I got ostracized every single time I was in a friend group, and as a grown adult I still have a very strong repulsion to group social situations and just want to hang out one-on-one with people. :( I get social anxiety and get emotionally triggered every time I'm in a group situation
same friend groups where theyve been friends for a while and you're just joining in sucks so much.
i try to have small friends groups if so, but one in one hangouts feel more comfortable/natural for me as well, its like more intimate and maybe less judgmental idk, like you can tell when someone is reliable or actually wants to be your friend when its a one in one interaction instead of when there's other around, i kinda feel like some try to impress their friends by giving some reactions to something i say or do, so they feel like they fit it by giving the "desirable reaction" idk that's my experience with some people, its so draining tbh
but not all friends groups are bad its just find the right people which honestly it is hard to find unfortunately.
but pls dont feel alone in this, if u ever want to talk about this or similar stuff lmk :)
by zero; ; Report
Sker
I've also thought about how it would be like to be an observer, being always quiet and to the side kinda drags your mind to that thought, but I think it has a very boring conclusion, I don't believe stillness is that desirable, it's why being immortal must be more of a curse than a blessing, boredom would come biting someday and there would be no way to escape its jaws.
I think it's okay to be awkward, I know you don't mean it in the quirky "oh everyone's a little awkward >w<" way but even in the most extreme of cases it's alright, there are so so many people in the world right now and everyone's so connected by this big giant blob of communication that is the internet, even the most awkward of souls got a spot somewhere, I don't think you need to worry about being awkward and being interesting and what not, or the way you word stuff, it doesn't really matter, you just gotta convey a message and not be a douche.
You don't need to be a lvl 20 bard master of charisma to talk with people, even less so online, just say what you want, even if it comes out awkward, laught it off or move on, people are't that complex, everyone has a burning desire to connect, if they wanna chat with you they will, if they don't... just try again.
About your old friends, life can get busy sometimes, but that by no means is a definitive goodbye, friendship is truly an everlasting bond, a very long time ago my best friend moved on, we haven't talked for years, but recently I found out his number and after like 2 weeks of looking at it, writing a message and deleting it I asked him to play Overwatch and we did, I was kinda surprised to find out he still considered me his best friend, that's why I believe friends don't really stop being friends no matter how much time may pass unless something truly terrible happens, if you really wanna be friends with them again, just give a shot at trying to talk like once before, it's hard to find courage and break out of your comfort zone but it can be very rewarding, so give it a try:).
Also people on the internet are kinda like children on a playground, you can just ask if they wanna be friends. So, wanna be friends? I also like Silent Hill:)
omg youre so nice thanks for all that i needed it honestly.
I've felt so lost these past couple of months trying to fit in and make myself interesting at least for my family, its been such a hard processes to want to even socialize anymore its discouraging after so many attempts but i know that's how it is sometimes, smh
i know I'm not 100% alone but i don't feel connected to anyone atm, its a weird cycle I'm in right now.
i wish being outgoing was my thing, it kinda is with the right people. but i haven't felt like in a long time
AND OFC I WANNA BE YOUR FRIEND :>>
by zero; ; Report