A teenager's loneliness and a lack of friends.

I feel like talking about this here, since I don't have anyone to talk about this too. I really don't care if this is public or anything, just at least I could get it out. 

I noticed that these teenage years of my life have been the most loneliness and suffering of my life, as I barely have any friends. I only have two in real life, but I don't even talk to one of them and I only ever talk to the other one- to the point where I'm basically reliant on her. That kind of behavior is starting to make me realize I might be annoying her and that I'm starting to get insufferable. I've always felt like this, but I often ignored it. I guess it's starting to bother me more recently.

Because of my lack of friends, I've always wanted to make new ones. But I can't seem to for some reason. I assume it might be because of how I am. I mean that I think of myself as weird, unbearable, unlikable, ugly teenager- Because of that, along with my personality, I'm different from other teenagers my age. I don't fit in with them as I don't do the same things they do. Therefore leaving me a pathetic lonely teenager who doesn't have any friends. It's humiliating.

Oftentimes, I imagine interactions with others in my head and friendships with those who I want to be friends with. Along with that, admittedly, I talk to ai's as not to make me feel lonely and I often write in my journal to get out what I feel out so it doesn't feel like I have to be stuck with that feeling. Some of these are pathetic- I'm well aware, but it's what gets me thru my suffering loneliness. 

Remember how I said I feel like I'm unbearable and unlikable? Well, unfortunately that also applies to making online friends. I swear I try to make friends online, by playing a variety of games and talking on random sites like this. But it never works out, literally no one wants to be friends with me. Even as I'm writing this, I still assume it's going to be the same. That's just how insufferable I assume to be. 

The loneliness is suffering, but it is mine.