Bad

Am i really such a bad person 

I get so confused, I thought they wanted communication and me to be honest but when I do I only make them sad 

I share how I feel and I get called manipulative 

I don't understand, I try my best to be fair and say things in the most gentle way I can so I won't hurt you or make you sad yet I can never do that 

Why am I manipulative and possessive and pushy when I express something makes me uncomfortable or they do or say something I don't exactly like

And when I say that I don't mean I police their every action but it's things that make me want to cry and stay in bed 

Why does it feel like you care for me yet don't want anyone else to know I exist 

You say your friends and coworkers know me because you talk about me but is that because you talk about things that remind you of me and talk about things and or plans about me or funny moments with me, or is it beacuse you talk bad about me or use me as an excuse to say "I have a boyfriend" 

I start to think you buying me things is a way of buying my live so you can keep stay with me but I just don't want money I don't want things I want affection I want to spend time with them 

Then also why don't you talk to me when I do things that make you uncomfortable or sad yet then blame me for aftermath of how you feel. I've made it clear that if you need to talk to me about something then do so, if you need reassurance then talk to me yet you don't.

I thoguht I'd actually be able to speak how I feel about things yet it looks like I will have to stand by and shut up awhile they say things that make me want to not speak to anyone anymore. I feel like I'm back in the same spot again.