public diary : 001

dear public diary, 

i know this is not much of a personal path but maybe one day this will mean something...

lately ive been in a crossroads not bc i dont know what to do but more so i just ont want to do it. its 2024 & i still feel the energy of 2023, the same people lingering in my life but most importantly the habits. i feel like every year im waiting for the aha moment, something thatll be life changing, something that i could be grateful for, for an eternity. but it seems like the longer i wait, the less i do & the more i sit here hoping that itll happen. i lost my spark and interest to do anything as much as i love to do something and the more i want it. the more i feel like its out of reach. friendships, relationship, plans that have inspired me to become what ive always wanted to be. it just doesnt feel the same anymore. i dont want to blame anybody but myself , but i dont want to have to miss being all the time. i would love to wake up everyday & live in the moment. not care whats ahead of me or whats behind me. but just stay right here , right now & bask in what i can while its here. i dont want to have to worry about how im going to get paid next or why i feel so lame. when i should be embodying the goddess energy that i am. so far ive been trying to find myself & really understand what it means to be me. i used to be outside in nature all the time, but once ive gotten forced to be outside i feel like my ego kinda pushed me to a point where i feel like theres nothing out there for me without having money. society has brought this generation down by forcing us to grow up to early. having to deal with other peoples children because they didnt want to. or having to clean up someone elses messy house because they just worked a 9-5. its embarrassing the cycles this world has created for us. we should be able to explore lands without costs, clothes should be free. we arent even supposed to be wearing clothes. surviving should not be a struggle. we should not have to worry about the things cooporate has paved for us. WHEN THEY ARE RICH! they do not have to worry about anything. they should be worried about how negitivity they are putting out into the universe. God bless all the divine beings that came to this earth to teach. to align the earth. omg we do not deserve this. im praying that we all get to see the light after this darkness. honestly. & for the non believers i pray that you realize in this lifetime or the next that we are here to save you not stop you!