✦ ﹒lesbianism and what it means to me

queerness in and of itself is a wonderful and unique experience that is only truly explainable if you yourself are queer . and even then , being queer is so unique and individual experience there is no one definition for it ! being queer is simply being queer . what it means to you is for you to decide . 

now , on that topic , i believe that logic can be applied to pretty much every queer label . in that what it means to you is how you define it . and for me , being lesbian is about the queer attraction to women and the decentralization of men . it also is a means of breaking out of the mold , and acknowledging that its ok to be attracted to everything that men have made us think are wrong , dirty , or weak . 

i think that the definition of lesbian is just as fluid as the definition of transgender . in that , being lesbian is a unique experience that you can only really explain if you are lesbian . you can try to understand it and try your best to define it with what lesbians have told you yes , but being lesbian is more than just women loving women . it always has been and always will be . 

with lesbianism comes a myriad of different experiences , and in them all you will find one common factor ; joy !! being lesbian is a joyful experience at its core , as decentralizing men is freeing and a relief . no matter if you are a boy who is a lesbian , a transmasc lesbian , a boy and girl lesbian , a lesbian who’s attraction is also mspec , and more !

now i’ve mentioned it twice already but haven’t exactly defined what it truly means to decentralize men . for me , decentralizing men means taking them off the pedestal that society has placed them on and realizing that honestly they are not as impressive as they try to make themselves be inherently . now i know some people will get pressed in the comments , this is not to say that NO man can be interesting or a good person . just that MOST of them don’t even bother trying . 

which brings me to my next point ; the terror of being a lesbian . being a lesbian is a joyful experience yes . loving women and being free of the fear of being forced in a relationship with someone that doesn’t make you happy is wonderful . but in case you haven’t noticed it’s literally terrifying to tell a man specifically that you’re a lesbian . the reaction is very telling , and more often than not eye have been met with either disgust or entitlement . 

because of that , especially when you are alone / the only lesbian you know of , being a lesbian can be very lonely . it can make you feel like no one will really understand what you are going through , that you are broken , that something’s wrong with you , that maybe this would all go away if you could just like a man . it’s very disheartening and a hopeless feeling . 

fortunately , in the passing years , communities for lesbians have been growing in number ! and because of that its easier for lesbians to find solace and community in other lesbians . and hell , it’s easier for some lesbians to find partners this way , knowing they are safe in their own communities with other lesbians . however there are issues with these communities , as there are with every community , and these issues ride up to the same set . elitism and people pleasing .

a big issue i’ve seen in lesbian communities is this weird thing where lesbians try to “compete” with other lesbians on who is “more lesbian” . and by this they often mean who has never had a crush on a man , never dated a man , dressed a specific way , etc . and it’s very ... odd . especially considering being queer in general is not a contest , and lesbianism especially is supposed to be about community , not competition . 

along side this elitism behaviour is the people pleasing behaviour where lesbians think that there is only one solid and rigid definition of being lesbian , despite the experience of lesbianism being so diverse and colorful for years on end . especially with the proper exposure to mspec lesbians and lesboys . it reeks incredibly of internalized lesbophobia , as it shows that some people have definitely not read up on lesbian history . go read butch blues please before ever trying to tell me lesboys aren’t valid thank you .

nonetheless , being lesbian is a beautiful experience that should be celebrated . lesbians are a big part of the queer community , and we have been for a long time . i wish all my lesbians the best and the most fulfilling lives , knowing that your queerness is beautiful and a unique experience !